There was a time when you could write a letter to a company, and they would write you back. Consumer Affairs, they called it. And they had a ton of money to burn, an ongoing effort to keep customers happy. As they loved to say in retail in times long gone: "The Customer is always right!" Mike Knox's first such letter was to Burger King. They sent him a pack of coupons for free hamburgers. He hit the jackpot when he wrote a nice letter to United Airlines: They sent him a free airline ticket, a $100 gift card, and a can of peanuts. Alas, those days are gone. Today, when you try to contact a company, you're funneled through a series of outsourced internationals trained to say things like, "I understand your frustration, ma'am." Or maybe you'll get Ron the Bot. His most common answer will be "Sorry, I don't understand the question, could you rephase it?" No more coupons. No more swag. No more free stuff. Hell, you're lucky if you even get the stuff you've paid for. This book is a nostalgic tribute to those glorious days when a well-worded grievance or a properly placed compliment could actually bring you satisfaction . . . or even joy.