I was to be a model father, an example to you all. But daughters disappoint. They do their own thing. They are inexplicable.

This is a cautionary tale and a warning to all males of daughter-bearing age. Izzy has an exemplary father but her mother spoils her.

She became fat and aggressive not only to her father but to other children. No wonder they call her The Blob. To me she is the cuckoo. She tries every feminine trick in the book to shoulder me out of the family nest.

Then one day, in mid-France, her mother insists on leaving her in my sole charge. For an entire day! How old is she now? I do my best to remember how long I have endured.

She insists on being taken to Oradour-sur-Glane, village-martyr, scene of an appalling World War Two massacre. What could she possibly..?

What I wanted was a willowy, dark eyed, affectionate Chiara, not this belligerent challenge to fatherhood as we know it.